3 years without justice for Josh
I have woken up to the heartbreaking reality that Josh has not been a part of our lives here on Earth living as we do for the past three years. I have lived with three years of unimaginable pain and a daily heartache that is masked and wrapped around a shell that is the ‘new me’. I don’t recognise myself anymore because I don’t laugh or smile from the heart, I don’t cry naturally, I see the world through eyes that have now got a different lens, it is blurry and sad, I see pain everywhere along with so many injustices.
The loss of a child is not the natural order, we are not built or equipped to accept that the child that we gave birth to that we loved and cherished is no longer here to nurture. I have lost my place and my identity as the mother to a Son, a son who needed me 24/7, who kept me busy, who was there all day everyday and at the other end of the phone just like my beautiful daughter Brooke has always been. He no longer calls me to get his shopping, to iron his clothes, cook his food, drive him here there and everywhere, ask me how he looks in his new clothes and he is no longer a confidant to Brooke or I, our go to, and the third point in our little triangle.
Life without Josh is boring, it is lacking colour and excitement and the world without Josh in it is truly missing one of the nicest, funniest and kindest of young men. Josh had a heart of gold, he was generous to a fault and would be there for you at the drop of a hat.
How can his life have been taken away from him and how is it possible that we have had no justice for him?
This week Brooke and I along with family and a few friends have handed out over 7,000 posters and we will hand out another 1,000 today outside Paddington Station. Over the past three years I have distributed over 40,000 wanted posters around the world, I have sent it electronically and I have shared it with your help throughout the world and across social media hundreds of thousands of times. My campaigning is relentless because it is all that I can do to try and get justice for my Son Josh. Everyday I try and think of ways to reach someone, a person who knows where Shane O’ Brien (SOB) is or someone who is helping him to evade arrest. I hope that they see my pain and emptiness and just for a minute imagine if it was their Mum going through this heartache. I hope and pray that they might make that call that they will help us to process the reality of what has happened.
All we have is a photo on a wanted poster or on a most wanted list of the person the police want to speak to. We have had no opportunity to stand opposite him in a court of law and to see this person in the flesh and until we do this, it will always be unfinished business.
I hear Josh say “I’m proud of you Mum, keep doing what you are doing” and that motivates me because Josh loved the fight I have in me for all injustices that the world can throw at you and he knew that I always had his back and would stand in his corner no matter what. He knows that I will not give up and he knows that along the way I will do my best to help others to not have to go through such unnecessary pain that I am going through.
Josh should be here with his Mum, Sister, Nanna, Aunty, Cousins and friends he should not be on his own and he should not have been left to die on the floor of a bar that people now dance on.
Please be the person that helps us to get justice for Josh, please share the wanted poster home and away and if you know anyone who might know something no matter how small or irrelevant that they think it might be, to get in touch with the police.
I want to thank each and everyone of you, my friends and my family too for helping me to keep going, and on the days like today I need you so much more. Please don’t think that there is nothing you can do or “I wish I could do more” you can, you can share the wanted poster and ask others to too. You can display it and you can help me to keep finding ways to help others.
What would this world be like if there was no love, kindness or compassion, it would be a very sad and lonely place for everyone of us so lets try and reach out to someone today and tell them that we love them, call them, arrange to catch up or just ask them if they are ok. Yesterday standing outside Victoria train station I was given and gave hugs by and to people that I have never met before, I shared tears with them and I felt hope and energy that gives me the strength that I need to keep moving forward.
Josh my little angel sends me messages, signs and most importantly he gives me hope, hope that Brooke and I will get justice for him so that we can start to grieve in peace.
“I love you more than life itself” is something that Josh wrote to me and that sums him up right from the heart he gave me his love. Please say a prayer for him today and if you would like to join us at 7.30pm this evening at Mass we will be at the Scared Heart, Quex Road and then over the road to the pub to raise a glass to him and his memory.
Bless you all always