Hello everyone I hope that you are well.
Today marks three years and 10 months today without my beautiful Josh and again the past month has been challenging in more ways than one. Brooke and I are still navigating ourselves through the Criminal Justice System while we fight for justice for Josh. We are also having to face all of the challenges that it brings with it and to so many other victims who have lost a child to the most heinous of crime, that of murder. As a victim you have very little say or knowledge about what happens behind the scenes. And as we have no involvement or direct communication with the CPS or the Queens Council, we have to rely on communication being passed on to them on our behalf via our Family Liason Officer (FLO), which does not always have the desired outcome. The questions that I ask which to me are perfectly straightforward, are questions that I can not be given answers to, this leaves me with very little control over the situation and at worst being completely left in the dark especially if I don’t know what questions to ask.
I am trying to protect my Son and act on his behalf but without a Victims Law I have no support network and nothing to refer to, no one place that can give victims any great power or control. Each statutory agency has it’s own set of rules and policies and from my experience they do not work well together. In fact most of the information that helps victims comes from other victims who have or are going through the process, victims are in fact filling a huge gap. A multiagency victims needs approach should be adopted but until that happens I shall continue to run from pillar to post while seeking out my rights and entitlements. With so little support for families of murder and manslaughter I will continue to work hard to challenge this and hope that in time a more balanced approach within the justice system will be achieved.
With the trial looming, just 5 weeks away, I do all that I can to keep myself busy and occupied. There are very few days that my anxiety along with my flashbacks don’t take over but I push them down while I fight to keep my focus. It is a living nightmare and I have said many times before that it is one that you can not wake up from as it lives alongside your every waking day like a dark shadow alongside you.
With all of this in mind I am still forging ahead and keeping Josh’s memory alive and bringing him into the hearts of thousands of people who now tell me that he is in their hearts and a part of their world too. I have continued to share Josh’s story this month while raising awareness of knife crime and we will also be celebrating Josh’s life with our 4th Memorial Football Tournament on the 24th of August which I hope that you can come along to. There will be a host of charities and organisations sharing their services as well as lots of entertainment for the family.
My post today is dedicated to one of Josh’s very close friends, Tony. Tragically, Tony passed away on Friday and it has had a huge impact on me. It is heartbreaking looking at photos and videos of him and Josh together, seeing them living their best lives. Josh introduced Tony to me at his 21st birthday party, he brought him over to me and said this is Tony Mum he is a really good friend of mine. Tony continued to stay in contact with me after Josh’s death and once when he was away at a beer festival two weeks after Josh’s death he was served a drink in a glass that had Josh’s name on it. He brought that glass back from Belgium which still stands in my kitchen today. You will be forever missed Tony ?? ??
I know that Josh is around me because I ‘see’ the signs everyday and I have no doubt whatsoever that he gives me the strength that I need to help make a change in his memory. I am a very lucky Mum to have such beautiful children, Josh my angel and Brooke who through all of her own pain and suffering, is my absolute rock.