6 Years Ago Today, My Life Changed Forever

I have lived my life without Josh my beautiful, funny, caring and loving son for 6 years. My heart aches for what might have been every single day.

Josh’s life was taken from him in a barbaric act that took no longer than 6 seconds. Six seconds? How do I make sense of what happened to Josh? I can’t. Do I go over the events leading up to Josh’s death, do I go over what could have been done to avoid his death, and whether his life could of been saved? Yes I do. There hasn’t been a day that I have not thought about Josh, the wonderful life we had and how his ended while I still breathe. Every time I share Josh’s story with professionals and with children and young people in schools and colleges I share these thoughts.

The presentation I share is ‘Josh’s Story’ which tells the audience about his life, his achievements, his connections and his loved ones. It is a story that shares his short life and what happened to him on the fateful night of the 11th of October 2015. There are photos and videos celebrating Josh’s life from him holding up a karate certificate having just got his yellow belt with his sister Brooke, to photos of him at his last birthday party, his 21st. Then there are the photos of his coffin and his funeral followed by images of me, my family, friends and the public fighting for justice for 4 hard long years.

The presentation addresses violent crime prevention and intervention. It also highlights decisions, choices and the impact the wrong ones have on everyone. More importantly it calls to attention the way society thinks about victims of crime. When I share that Josh was an innocent bystander it is hard for many to accept because we don’t want to think that anyone of us can lose our lives in an unprovoked attack. We need to believe that the victim must have done something. Maybe they had an argument, a fight, had an ongoing issue etc. This way of processing such an awful act is easier than having to accept the alternative. We have been programmed to think like this for a host of different reasons but the one that stands out the most for me and one that I have researched is the fear of being called or labelled a victim. The word victim sends off negative connotations such as helpless, tricked, weak etc. In turn it hampers recovery and perpetuates abuse where the victim forever feels stigmatised.

I recognise how important it is to empower individuals when they have been a victim of crime. It is important to accept that they are strong and resilient and to not let the perpetrator define them. We need victims to be encouraged to talk about their pain without feeling shame. It is heartbreaking to hear a child think they are responsible for being a victim because they are gentle and kind. I am often referred to as the mum of the boy who was murdered and not just Tracey Josh’s mum and that is sad.

I will do my very best to keep doing all that I can do to raise awareness of violent crime and how we can prevent it by working together. By together I mean families, communities, schools, the police, statutory agencies and the government. If we don’t work together we will continue to lose the fight against crime.

I will reflect on the past 6 years with Brooke my wider family and friends and celebrate Josh’s life as I always do with a full heart of love, knowing that his strength guides me. I love you Josh, your loving mum .

#myson #6yearanniversary #foreverinmyheart #makingchanges

6 Years Ago Today, My Life Changed Forever

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