Hello everyone I hope you are all well.
The 11th day of the month is my Son’s anniversary and today marks two and a half years since Josh’s murder, and that is also 30 months, 130 weeks and 913 days without justice for him too. I am numb and still in shock at what has happened to Josh and I will be like this for the rest of my life.
If your child was murdered and ripped from your life, you would be trying your very hardest to do all you could to help prevent this from happening to another child, because you would not wish this on anyone. The pain and frustration that rises up inside you when you read that another child has been murdered is debilitating. It is scary knowing that another family are going through the same that you went through when you were told that your child was dead, the feelings of helplessness come flooding back and you are right back there in that moment in time knowing that there is nothing that you can do to change it.
The family of the loved one who’s life has been taken will be numb with pain, they will be in profound shock, and while they respond to you they won’t be able to react as they did before the loss of their child, because they are now someone else, someone new!
Severe trauma and shock, along with the most profound pain of loss, changes you right down to your DNA, it takes your life, it squashes it and then it squashes it some more until all that is left is our basic inbuilt survival mode. You hear the question “how are you”? and you hear your response “I’m ok thank you”, and yet none of it makes any sense at all, the brief exchange that was once so natural to you is now the elephant in the room for everyone.
Try and imagine your life without your beautiful child in it, try to imagine the pain that their absence would bring, every second of every waking day, and try to imagine the rest of your life wishing that they were still here with you while knowing that you will never see them again, unimaginable isn’t it?
Josh was so very special, he was the funniest person I have ever met and his laughter was infectious. His heart was tender and generous and he loved his life and the exciting challenges that he faced while growing into the hard working young man that he was. He was kind and helpful and he would do anything for you, you only had to ask and he would be there for you. He had a life to live but his life was taken from him in the most barbaric of act’s.
What has happened to me, my family, our friends, Josh’s friends, his work colleagues and all those who had met him, has changed the tapestry of our lives forever and we will never be the same again. We have all been effected as have so many who have got to know him through his death.
Josh along with all of those who have lost their lives to murder can not die in vain, we have to make changes to help and prevent this from happening to more unsuspecting victims and their families. We can do this by becoming more aware of what is happening around us and by highlighting issues of concern while pushing for changes. The Councillors, MP’s, Safer Neighbourhood Teams, Resident Committees and the Police in our boroughs are there to speak to and to act on our behalf. Make contact with them and ask them what they are doing and what they can do to help make our communities safer. We can also reach out to one another and help each other too, no matter how small the effort, it is better than no effort at all.
Thank you again to everyone who supports Brooke and I, it really means so very much to us and to all of the Mothers who have also lost a child to murder or manslaughter that are now part of my life, thank you for being there for me too.