Hello everyone, I hope you are all well.
Today the 11th of January 2019 marks 3 years and 3 months without Josh in my life and no justice for him either, and another start to another year wondering how this can even be possible. You can only imagine how I feel, you can only imagine the pain that I feel every single day unless of course like me your child’s life was ended in the most unnatural and most barbaric of ways, if your child was murdered. And imagine while trying to live with that reality, you are also living without seeing the person responsible for your child’s murder brought to justice too.
The word murder screams loud in my face, it is not just inside of me and around me but it is in everything that I do, it screams loud in society, on the news, on social media and in the many gripping TV drama documentaries for our entertainment. However for me and my reality the word murder brings with it a pre judgement against me and my child, the unasked questions by people that you meet and the awkward conversations that follow, and with that comes isolation. My feelings switch from lost and lonely, helpless and hopeless to frustration and anger, and resentment and fear all while I fight for justice and while I fight the many injustices in anyone given moment. Imagine we live in a world where we have to fight for our basic rights, imagine having to live with all of these feelings that come at you like darts everyday out of the blue or sometimes stay stuck with you more often than not throughout the entire day because you are having to fight to get someone to understand the enormity of your situation. Imagine these feelings and emotions that are now part of your ‘new normal’ because your beautiful, funny, caring and loving child has been murdered for no reason whatsoever.
I find myself having to convince people that Josh did nothing wrong which means sharing some of the details of Josh’s post mortem report with them. The post mortem report has thousands of words detailing my Son’s injuries and the severity of them and how they came about. This report was denied to me by the investigation team for 2 years, the report that as Josh’s mum that I was entitled to. Imagine after 2 years having to adjust to this new information different from the one that you had played out over and over again in your head. Reading through the report is nothing short of mental and emotional torture but it is something that I have had to do many times, for one I needed to be there with Josh, to feel his pain and I also needed to sit down with medical professionals who could explain some of the medical terminology to me in detail. Each and every time that I have had to refer to it I relive the torture of knowing what Josh went through. He would have been in pain, shock and trauma, he was grasping for air to try to and fill his lungs because he was suffocating, just try and imagine how he felt, he fought so hard to stay alive he really tried to hold on to his beautiful life, a life that he loved so much as it left his body. Imagine not being able to try and help your child or to not able to quietly reassure him that everything would be ok even if you didn’t know if that was true or not. And imagine not being able to hold your child in your arms while they took their last breath, not being able to say I love you or to hear them say your name one last time.
That is a lot to imagine, and no, I am sure that you can’t because as you look at your child those thoughts and feelings would be too painful to cope with. Sadly they are my reality and I pray that it never becomes yours. My darling boy who I protected his whole life, who I loved and considered my best friend just like Brooke is, is no longer here with us and never ever will be and that is something that I would not wish on anyone. Brooke and I talk to and about Josh everyday, we also talk about the next steps that we need to take to get justice and how through the charity we can help others. Josh is not just a statistic in a newspaper and neither are all of the other victims who have lost their lives to murder they are people and the families and friends left behind are people with emotions and feelings too, only now they are different.
We will continue to fight for justice and we will continue to push for the wanted poster to be displayed in all police stations home and away. As we regularly speak to police officers and members of the public who have never heard about Josh and what happened to him and our campaign and the hunt for SOB. If you would like a copy of the wanted poster please get in touch or you can download them from our website at www.thejoshhansontrust.org in the 7 different languages. Thank you as always to each and everyone of you for all of the support that you give to me you are truly remarkable to have stuck by me for so long.
Lots of love always
Tracey, Brooke and Josh ??❤️?? #justiceforjoshhanson