Hello everyone, I hope you are well.
This is the first post I saw this morning that came up on my timeline and I thought it fitting that I share it as my post to mark Josh’s 22nd month of not being here with us on earth.
This past month has been one of the hardest as grief’s tendrils have been dragging me to the darkest of places. I have felt fear more than I have felt it since Josh was stolen from me and I have had no escape. I have kept as busy as I can so that I can ride the fear but this has had it’s side effects.
I continue to read a lot and according to some of the research carried out on grief, 18 months is when things should get easier!!!! I belong to a group on Facebook for grieving families who have lost their loved ones to murder or manslaughter and the experience of grief around 18 months to 2 years is that it is the hardest. I have to say for me it has been the closest that I have come to giving up, so far.
My grief, my pain and the absence of living without Josh everyday makes me question everything, my life, our world and the people in it. The murders that take place everyday, the animal cruelty, the aggressive nature of our species and the lack of respect for our planet makes me cry and leaves me feeling helpless.
I have chosen to move forward by helping others in Josh’s name and when everything gets on top of me and makes me feel vulnerable I remind myself that a positive change no matter how small will help to make a difference to my world and the people I share it with. I am not going to let the absence of my beautiful Son, his murder, the pain, anger and fear that I feel daily ruin me, I am going to fight. I am going to get justice for Josh and I am going to live my life the best way I can because I know when I am in the clutches of darkness he steps in and pulls me right back out.
I love you so much Josh, and your brightness keeps me safe.
Love, Mum ❤️????xxxx