Another month has gone by and here I am again appealing for help from you my friends the public. A public that have stood with us shoulder to shoulder for the last 26 months. A public who without question have shared the wanted poster worldwide and a public whom without, I would not be where I am today, still managing to hold on to the hope that we will receive a phone call to say SOB has been arrested. I am also truly blessed to have my family and friends, some old and some new supporting me throughout the ups and downs and the challenges that I am faced with everyday. I have been sending out posters, tee-shirts and wristbands to those who are raising awareness from the UK and as far as Australia and I am truly grateful and humbled by your requests.
This month has been such a challenge for me as my anger, which I ask Josh and God to help me to control, simmers away and at times has boiled over. The frustration I feel while I try to live a productive life consumes me and I ask the same question over and over and over again, ‘how can SOB still be free’? I have met and spoken to yet more families this month who like us have had their loved ones stolen from them at the hands of murderers, whose choice weapon was a knife and they ask me how am I coping having not had justice yet and I say I don’t know. When I sit down and look at pictures of my beautiful Son and the anger and frustration kick in, I don’t even know who I am. How could he have been brutalised, how could his beautiful body have been abused so badly, how can he not be here with us? I feel so much pain and feel that I am like a spectator watching a scene from a sad film, detached, almost out of my own body as I cry for Josh and I, almost like i’m a third person. I think this is my body protecting itself and maybe this happens because I have complicated grief, i’m not really too sure what is happening and no one can explain it to me either.
I have been blessed to have dreamt of Josh a few times this past month, with the most recent dream a couple of nights ago. I was in the sea, swimming for survival as it was vast and the waves were high and I was heading towards a great big rock that I knew I had to climb, so that I wouldn’t drown. I knew Josh was with me because I could feel him but I couldn’t see him. I swam to the rock and managed to climb to the top and there was someone there and they gave me a piece of paper with mine and Josh’s name on it and without any words exchanged I knew I had to keep it safe and dry and out of the water. I held on to this tiny piece of paper while I started to swim to a jetty and as I pulled myself up with my left hand in the air holding this tiny piece of paper safely crumpled up, I looked up and Josh was standing there smiling at me with his mischievous smile. He was about 6 or 7 years old and he had his long hairstyle that he used to have around that age and was just so beautiful and innocent looking. I said here Josh quickly put this in your pocket and he said I don’t have any pockets Mum. He turned down the waistband of his shorts, the same shorts I wear of his to bed, to show me and he smiled at me with such happiness and love almost as if saying your looking after me Mum. I woke up feeling so lifted and loved and knowing that he is with me and watches over me. I also know from that dream that he is saying i’ve got you Mum but you need hold on for us for now. When my anger and frustration consume me my beautiful boy sends me love and light he is letting me know that where he is, is beautiful and he is trying to tell me that everything will be ok. It also reminds me not to let the weakness of anger and frustration take hold but instead keep love and compassion as my friends because I have a lot of work to do yet.
So can I please ask you again to share the wanted photo which is the cover photo on my page, with all of your contacts on FB, Twitter, and Instagram and invite them to like our pages too. Could you also share it via email and ask your contacts to share it by email too. I have shared each poster with a link on this page which you can print from and I can send you out posters, tee-shirts, and wristbands too. Someone, somewhere may have seen SOB or sees him without even knowing who he is and that one poster could make all of the difference and help us secure his arrest.
Bless you all and thank you again for all that you are doing for us, words alone can not describe my gratitude to each and everyone of you ❤️??xx#justiceforjoshhanson #foreveryoung #myboy #motherslove